we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
