My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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