thus making me awesome and them whores
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
