Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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