i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
