Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
