the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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