I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
