If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
