I smell stomach acid.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
