U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
