My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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