dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
