watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize