If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
