It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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