Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
