I hate your face
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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