How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Drunk is a universal language darling
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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