You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
