i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
