Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize