how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
