I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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