Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
