He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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