I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Couch. On fire.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
