I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
