Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
