Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
