She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
