Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
