I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
