This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
