Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Fuck appropriateness.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We have started to decorate penises.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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