Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
