She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
