Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
dude. I can hear the air.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
