road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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