in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
