He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
