She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
