so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
how drunk are you?
Several
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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