how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
