filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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