Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
