Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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