if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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