I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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