Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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