Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
