I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
