so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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