We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Damn victory sex feels great
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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