it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize