I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
