I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
