My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
