Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
