Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
