The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
