you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
