Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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