they need to just BURY HIM!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
