South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
