It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
