I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
