note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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