so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
