Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
